Your First Smile

Edie,
 This week has been so exciting! We've started to see what we think are real smiles (aka not gas-related smiles) and it makes us so happy! A few nights ago we did not have a good night at all but that morning I was holding you and you gave me several big grins and they melted my heart and wiped away all the frustration!  You still don't smile very often but we're so excited when you do! We look forward to every single grin you give us in the future! <3

Love, Mama

Your First Easter

Edie,
 This past weekend we celebrated your first Easter! Your dad and I actually bought three very cute outfit options for the day: a onesie with the words "I Wanna Dance With Some Bunny" written on it with a matching pair of polka dot pants with a bunny face on the butt and two really adorable dresses. Well... you are too small for all three! So we went with another dress that is cute as well- a white dress with mutli-colored polka dots and matching little shorts.  We put a very cute pink cardigan over top and had intended on completing the outfit with white tights but.. once again... they were a little big on you so we skipped that as well.

  Even though we didn't go to church that morning, while we were getting ready, your dad and I played and sang along with a bunch of songs that we grew up listening to at Easter church services. Up From the Grave He Arose, Old Rugged Cross, Because He Lives. I think for both of us they remind us of our childhood and renders up sweet memories of small churches, sunlight beaming in through the church windows, Easter lilies lining the front of the sanctuary, family, and simple melodies sung from the heart and souls of those seated around us in the pews.

 We packed you up and drove the two hours to Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bernarr's house in Stuart's Draft. Your dad called Papaw, Mamaw, and Aunt Shauna on the way and they all asked about you and he proudly described your Easter outfit.

 I held you as we walked into Aunt Cindy's house and we were greeted with lots of excitement, hugs, and kisses. The love your family had for you the second we entered the room was tangible.  You had already met Nana, Aunt Cindy, and Uncle Bernarr, but this was the first time you'd ever met so many of your other family members: Great Uncle Billy and JoJo, Uncle Ed, Aunt Lindsey, cousins Alyssa, Christopher, Claire, Brooke, Kailyn, Wyatt, Mary Katherine, Alan, and Eva, and Aunt Cindy and Uncle Ed's dad and step mom: Eddie and Brenda. You were passed around from loving arms to loving arms the whole time we were there! We had a wonderful meal of ham, deviled eggs, rolls, green beans, potato salad, broccoli casserole, and more. After lunch there were several rounds of egg hunts with 200 eggs to be found!  You even "participated" :)  You received a cute little lamb from Nana and PopPop and a toothbrush and Pez dispenser from Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bernarr.

We said our goodbyes and headed over to Great Grandma Edith's house, where she and PopPop were waiting for us! She always seems to light up when she sees you- it's clear that even at 97 years of age she loves you very much! We talked about your outfit, how much you've grown, and your little feet.  We then all joked about how you, PopPop, and Great Grandma Edith were having a yawning contest. In the end I think it was a tie between you and Great Grandma Edith. Any time spent with her is a treasure and seeing the two of you together makes my heart full.

The next day, your PopPop told and I were talking on the phone and he informed me that on Easter after I texted him to let him know that we were leaving Aunt Cindy's and would be there in 5 minutes, he told Great Grandma Edith that you and I were on the way. He said that a few minutes later she turned her head as if she was talking to someone and said "Daddy, our granddaughter is coming to see us."  We can't really be sure if she was talking about me or you- but that doesn't matter. There aren't really the words to express what this means to me. Your Great Granddaddy Phil (who I called Pop) was one of the most astounding men to ever walk this earth (although I am biased of course). He loved his family more than anything and I know that his adoration for his grandchildren was something that could not matched. We lost him 2013 but I think about him all the time. I think about him whenever I have a song in my heart and it comes out in a whistle, when I tell you "Hey, hey, hey," any time there's a delicious chocolate dessert to be had, or whenever there's a good story that's made better with just a little (or a lot) of embellishment. Just like with your Great Grandma Julia, when he passed there was a hole left in my heart and life that will never be filled. But I like to think that he is here watching over you and loves you just as much as if he were still with us in person; to know that Great Grandma Edith spoke to him to announce our arrival only strengthens my gut feeling that he keeps her company and was beaming with pride as you entered the room with your poofy red hair and little polka dot dress.

                                      

Thank you for a wonderful first Easter, baby!

Love,
Mama

March For Our Lives

I was in 8th grade when the shooting at Columbine happened. I don't remember who told me or where I was. I don't remember if we talked about it at school the next day or if my parents talked about it. I don't remember if it was a topic of discussion in the hallways. I don't remember watching the coverage on the t.v. But I do remember the aftermath and how this incident, as isolated as it seemed, changed so much. There was just a general fear that a 13-year-old should not have to know... a fear that one of my fellow classmates one day might decide to do what Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold did on that day in April. I remember that trench coats were banned... as if that would really stop a similar event. A year or two later, I was in high school and I remember that a threat was called in and the entire school was evacuated. We sat on the bleachers around the football field while we waited for the "all clear." In addition to the lives they took that day in April, it was almost as if Dylan and Eric stripped away sort of innocence-- not just to myself as a 13-year-old, but possibly the the whole country. The fact that two people- two students no less- would bring guns into a school and shoot at and kill their fellow classmates was inconceivable.

In April 2007, I was walking back to my room after class at the University of Mary Washington when I heard murmurings about another mass shooting- this time at Virginia Tech. With a sense of fear and urgency, I rushed back to the room and quickly attempted to reach out my friends that attended that school. I finally heard from them that they were all okay. I read online news posts and watched the continuous footage on the TV. There were emails from the school and there were efforts to improve the school's ability to reach out to its students and faculty in an emergency situation. Either that afternoon or in the days that followed, I remember that students formed a single-file line all the way down the main walkway on campus and held hands during a moment of silence. Someone added coloring to the fountain to make it an orange color, one of VT's school colors. There was candle light vigil held on Ball Circle. This shooting caused such a sense of fear on campus and I remember going to class and thinking "any one of these people could do the same thing... will it happen here next? What would I do?"

Those are the two mass shootings that stick out most in my mind. But just like so many other people, over the next decade the shootings became more frequent and, unbelievably, they started to become something that no longer surprises us. Sure we think they are sad and horrible tragedies- but it is becoming not uncommon to hear that 12 people were killed at a movie theater in Colorado or that over 50 individuals were fatally shot at a concert in Las Vegas. Legally, nothing was done, despite attempts by survivors and family members of those killed at one of the many mass shootings that have occurred since 1999. In general, we had become desensitized.

Following a mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in February 2018- the student survivors took matters in their own hands. They created movement demanding modifications to the existing gun laws in an effort to protect not only children in schools, but really all people. My fear was always for myself- what if someone comes into this movie theater with a gun? What someone sneaks a gun into this store? But now my fear is for you. I am motivated to make a better country for you and am so touched by the other people that are working to tirelessly to do the same.  I don't want you to grow up with the same fears that I grew up with and continue to deal with...  I don't want mass shootings to be something that you become desensitized about. I don't want you to have to rush to figure out if one of your friends was caught in the line of fire. I don't want you to ever have to run from a public space to safety with your hands above your head. Most importantly, I don't want you to be another name added to the long list of people lost to mass shootings in this country. I don't want you to be another statistic.

That is why you, your dad, and I attended the March for our Lives event in Fredericksburg on Saturday, March 24, 2018. It was a small event but part of the larger March for our Lives protest put on in Washington, DC and over 800 localities throughout the country. Around 400 people stood at the intersection of Williams Street and Route 3 with their signs, flags, and orange ribbons. They held held up peace signs as cars honked  (mostly in supported) as they drove by. It is our hope that law makers will soon start to listen... how many more children, parents, students , teachers, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, loved ones, humans have to die from a gun before they take action and make change?  I am so happy that we were able to go to that event in Fredericksburg. I hope that  when you are older this is an event that is marked as one that was the beginning of incredible change and that your generation looks back on this with pride. You were there, sweet baby. You were there as the youngest among the protesters surrounded by others that care more about people's lives than some antiquated right to carry a weapon.